A Season for Everything

I woke up this morning to a beautiful day. I looked outside and the flowers are blooming, the birds are singing, and there is a semi-warm breeze in the air. It just feels like spring to me. As I was thanking for another beautiful day here on earth, I began to think about all the things that spring represents as a season of the year. We also have seasons in our Christian walk. There are dark winters where we feel blocked in and desperate, mysterious times of fall when things are changing (transition, moving), and bright shining summers that are full of blessing and joy. However, spring is the time of renewal. Babies are being born, flowers are blooming, and everything becomes NEW again. I love spring because the sun is not too bright to burn my skin, but it is not cold and dreary either. Spring brings hope of something new and better still yet to come! Spring is a time of expectation and a sigh of relief after enduring the harsh winter. I have been through each of the seasons in my Christian walk, more than once... Right now, I am in a season of spring renewal to match the physical world around me. There seems to be a tug-of-war in the earth that happens when winter is moving into spring. Some days are cool (or cold) and downright dreary, while other days are bright and the sun is shining on our faces. It can be a difficult season because we can see the light ahead of better days coming, but we still feel stuck in the past. That's exactly how I feel right now about my life in Christ. The past has been dark and depressing, cold and harsh. The future I anticipate is brighter than anything I have ever known before. I know God is doing new things, taking us into new places, and our future is bright...but those dark days of winter still want to keep me feeling lost, lonely and depressed. It takes faith and trust in God to step out into the Light, not knowing where the path may lead... I realize that part of this spring season is about renewal, transformation and building up my character to look more like Jesus. I keep seeing my old ways, my old nature wanting to spring back up in me and cause trouble. It truly is a struggle. I have been inundated with foolishness in my past and I am always asking God for more wisdom, so I don't make decisions that will hurt anyone (including myself). I have been praying the prayer of Jabez lately over my life, not because it is a popular fad in Christianity, but because the words ring true about my heart's desire at this time in my life.

 1 Chronicles 4:10 New King James Version (NKJV)
  10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.

Oh, that God would grant me the words of this prayer.  To bless me, to enlarge my territory (influence), but even more so that His hand would be with me and keep me FROM EVIL, that I MAY NOT cause pain!

Even though I am a follower of Jesus Christ, and I love God and seek to follow His will in my life...I often make mistakes and find myself broken before Him.  I am weak without Him.  I still make mistakes daily and I want Him to forgive me for my great foolishness.  I desire for Him to keep me from evil mostly so I will not hurt others.  It is one thing to hurt myself, and we often care less about ourselves than we do others, but I desperately do not want my foolish mistakes to hurt those I love (or anyone).

I am thankful that God's love for me is not dependent on me being perfect.  His salvation, grace and mercy in my life do not depend on what I have done, but rather the finished work of what Jesus has done for me.  He has taken my punishment, the rightful lashings that I deserve for all the times I have hurt people around me.  His blood shed on the cross for my redemption is real in my life. He has taken from me the shame of my foolishness.  Trying to stand on my own good works to be "good enough" will never suffice.  Only through His love and forgiveness have I been able to truly experience LIFE.  His grace really is enough for me.  And...it always will be.

Thank you Lord for all you have done for me.  Thank you Father for sending Your only Son to die for me and take my shame, my punishment, and the life (or lack thereof) that I deserved and nailing it to the cross.  I can't explain how you were able to save me from all that I was, but like the season of spring...You made all things new again.  I am so glad that I could have a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and so on, chance to be free from the guilt and weight of sin.  Thank you for making everything new and for letting me start fresh with your mercy each and every day.

My Living Water for today:

Lamentations 3:22-23

New King James Version (NKJV)

²² Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
²³ They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

2 Corinthians 5:17

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 

Isaiah 43:19

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁹ Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

New King James Version (NKJV)

Everything Has Its Time

3 To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

² A time to be born,
    And a time to die;
A time to plant,
    And a time to pluck what is planted;
³ A time to kill,
    And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
    And a time to build up;
⁴ A time to weep,
    And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
    And a time to dance;
⁵ A time to cast away stones,
    And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
    And a time to refrain from embracing;
⁶ A time to gain,
    And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
    And a time to throw away;
⁷ A time to tear,
    And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
    And a time to speak;
⁸ A time to love,
    And a time to hate;
A time of war,
    And a time of peace.

 His beloved,

Sarah

Married...By the Grace of God.

Lately, I have been thinking about the future more than usual.  I have been wondering where we will be in five or ten years.  Today is my 6-year anniversary of  being married to my husband.  It has been a wild and crazy ride for the past six years.  I feel like we have been married 50 years already...we have seen illness, tragedy, financial hardship, emotional instability, faced the impossible at times, and somehow we have always made it through...

I was talking with a man last night about how a marriage falls apart.  His wife separated from him earlier this year because she said she needs to "find herself."  When the brief conversation was over, I began thinking about that statement.  Perhaps, that is what I am still trying to do, even inside of my marriage....to find myself.  As I thought about it more and more, I realized that I found myself the day I met Jesus.  Before that day, I had no idea who I was.  I was trying to find myself in partying, drugs, alcohol and an endless stream of broken relationships.  I was looking for something, pleasure, fun, enjoyment, purpose, and desperately trying to fulfill the need to be loved by someone.  I remember how I felt after I first began to follow Jesus.  I felt full, satisfied and because He immediately took away my desire for those other things...I began to find my identity in Him alone. 

Some have said to me that I have lost my mind, gone off the deep end, or wonder why I never talk about anything but Jesus.  They say I am not able to relate to people if I just talk about Jesus all the time. I couldn't disagree more.  If I talk about all the things I used to, I would just be encouraging them to find themselves in things that can never satisfy.  I have found something that has changed me forever.  I have found MYSELF in Him.  I used to say that I always felt there was a different (better) person inside of me than what I was showing the world.  When I came to Jesus at the well and drank of His Living Water, He took away all those layers of myself that I never liked.  The real me started to emerge from a cloud of darkness, and I felt as though I was finally truly the me that I wanted to be.  Now, I am not hiding behind clothes, parties, material items, drugs or alcohol. I am not constantly trying to get the world to like me, because I finally like myself.

I think that one reason my marriage has lasted is that I am happy to be me.  My husband and I have problems at times, we have struggled through deep valleys of darkness and despair.  We have been told heartbreaking news that seemed as though it would overtake us.  However, somehow, by the grace of God we always emerged from the smoke.  Victorious.  As long as we find our identity in Jesus and we allow Him to be the center of our world, He will always make us stronger in loving each other.  Jeff and I have said many times that without God in our lives, we never would have made it this far.  Marriage is HARD.  If anyone tells you different, they are lying.  Six years is a long time.  We have both grown and changed our priorities.  We have different dreams than we used to have.  We like different things, and even what we had in common has changed over time.  We have had to stretch and grow together.  I have threatened to leave many more times than he has.  I guess I am the one who is weak and wants to quit.  When I feel as though I can't go on, I return to the well and ask for strength again to move on.  Jesus is always there and gives me peace and strength.  I would not be married today if Jesus had not always been there for me. 

Today, Jeff and I were driving in the car and looking at a picture that our son took to school of Guam.  Jeff asked me, "Are you sitting down?  Do you want to go to Guam with me?"  (He was re-enacting a very momentus phone call he made to me at work in 2005).  We were not yet engaged or married.  He was asking me if I was willing to go on the adventure of a lifetime with him.  We got engaged shortly after I said YES.  We decided to move 8,000 miles away from our homeland together.  I was scared to leave the familiar but I wanted to be with him.  I loved him and love is stronger than death.  We ended up finding out shortly after that we were expecting a child together.  Many have assumed that we got engaged for the wrong reasons, either because he was leaving or because I was pregnant.  We got married because we loved each other.  Yes, I found out he was leaving and decided to go with him before we got engaged.  I found out I was pregnant two weeks AFTER we got engaged.  But it all works out.  God works all things together for good.  Our pregnancy outside of marriage has turned out to be one of the greatest blessings that life could offer, our beautiful son Krischan!  Does God want us to start families that way?  No.  Does He turn things around to make it all wonderful and good?  Yes. 

God is always planning and preparing our way in life.  He has a good plan for our lives and although we can't see the finished product, we just have to keep returning to Him for strength and He will give us peace.  I am married today, after six long years, by the grace of God.  His unmerited favor in my life, and a constant desire from me and Jeff to believe that God still works miracles, each and every day.

I love you Jeff.  Thank you for resembling Jesus in my life, and never giving up on me or abandoning me.  Thank you for forgiving me of my many faults and sins toward you.  I thank God that we made it this far, and I am looking to Him for many more years together.  Without Him, we can do nothing, but with Him - ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

I look forward to walking into the future with you.  Thank you for sharing your dreams for the future with me this morning.  I was encouraged and excited to find out that we have the same dream God has planted in our hearts.  Simply amazing.

Some LIVING WATER for today:

Jeremiah 29:11

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 

Deuteronomy 31:8

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁸ And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”
 
1 Corinthians 13:1-7

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Greatest Gift

13 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. ² And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,^[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.

⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

 Thank you Jesus for making it all possible through your amazing grace and love in our lives.  May your love flow more freely through us for many years to come.

Your beloved,

Sarah

Finding Peace in Chaos

Do you ever feel like you are one step behind where you need to be?  This morning, my son had a special show-and-tell presentation about where he has lived in the past.  I had great ideas about how I would make pictures of the places he has lived so far, including Guam, Colorado and Oklahoma.  I was going to find beautiful pictures of Guam and print them for his class.  As usual, I was very busy yesterday (and every day) and I forgot all about his presentation.  This morning, on the way to school, I remembered that I was going to do that for him.  At that moment, the busyness and frantic rush of my day began.  My mind starting racing, not only about the fact that I had forgotten his special project, but also the dishes that lay unwashed in the sink, the floors that need to be swept and mopped, my daughter's tae kwon do class that was not on the schedule, but thrown in at the last minute.  I started thinking about the papers for my work that need to be graded, and how the kids have a doctor's appointment this afternoon.  I thought about the clothes that need to be washed and folded, and the finances that are always lacking.  We have to pay the taxes and registration on our car ($1200) and I am not sure how we are going to come up with that extra money.  They are already overdue and we are racking up penalties being added to the amount daily.

All at once, I felt extremely overwhelmed by life's responsibilities and pressures.  I could not seem to quiet my mind.  My heart started pounding from anxiety.  There are about a million more things that I didn't even mention here on my mind right now.  Am I doing something wrong?  Am I just not as good at managing my time as others?  Everyone around me seems to have everything lined out just right, THEIR houses are clean, THEIR kids get a great home-cooked dinner every night, THEIR kids do their homework and are prepared for special presentations, THEIR floors are clean, THEIR laundry is done all at the time.

There is great danger in this thinking.  One of my greatest struggles in life has been feeling like a failure, and fear of becoming a failure.  When I measure myself up to a standard of how everyone else seems to be doing in life (which is deception anyway), I often become overwhelmed, depressed and hopeless.  I realized this morning that I needed to spend some time with Jesus.  He is the One who quiets my soul, and calms the raging storms inside of me.  He is the One that always gives me proper perspective and helps me to sort out all the craziness of my life.  He shows me how to take all the chaos and organize it step-by-step.  He helps me prioritize my day when I give the first part of it to Him alone.

So...this morning, I decided to turn on some Christian music in my car (after dropping off all three kids at school) and just let Jesus quiet my mind.  I began to read my devotional on my IPhone, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young.  It was exactly what I needed to hear....when we are desperate and struggling to find peace and quiet, all we need is to spend time with Jesus.  That was exactly how I was feeling anyway.  Confirmation.  I always talk to God like He is my best friend.  It is my favorite way to pray...out loud, just telling God all my thoughts and the worries on my mind.  Then I just get quiet and listen for His still small voice to speak back to me.  Sometimes, it is a stirring in my soul, a thought that aligns with God's Word, a scripture, a song, or a friend who is sent to encourage me with just the right words (an answer to my prayer).  Today, it was Jesus Calling and a plan that began to emerge in my mind.

I decided to take things one step at a time, just like God has told me many times in the past.  If I look too far ahead in the future, I am always going to be overwhelmed and fear impending failure.  It is just my nature, and the nature of many around me.  That is the world's perspective, always focused on future success, future plans, future responsibilities and duties.  It is just too much for me to handle by myself.  God has told me to worry about one moment of one day at a time.  He has encouraged me to cast all my cares upon Him, for HE cares for me.  He takes care of my life and my every need, so I don't have to live with that worry and fear, and sense of always failing.

Today, I tried to print the pictures for my son's presentation and get it there before time for show-and-tell.  Wouldn't you know it, my printer decided not to work!  I had to save the pictures to a thumb drive and go all the way into town to Staples to make him a presentation.  Every second that passed felt like an eternity and I just knew I wasn't going to make it in time.  I kept hearing that still small voice telling me, "It's going to be OK.  I have it all under control.  My grace is sufficient for you."

I finally got the papers printed and rushed to my son's school.  I came into the classroom breathing heavy from running.  I asked, "Have you done the show-and-tell yet?"  She calmly answered, "No...you made it in time."  God knew I would.

Next...time to grade papers.  As I sit now in the coffee shop with my laptop, I feel the peace of God in my heart again.  No matter what today holds, and even if I get behind or fail again, GOD has it all under control and His grace (unmerited favor) is sufficient for me.

I hope you have a more peaceful and blessed day upon reading this good news.  God loves you.  He came to save you through His Son Jesus Christ, and He wants to re-prioritize your life with Him at the top of the list.  His Word declares, "Seek first the kingdom and His righteousness, and all the rest will be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33, NKJV).

Some Living Water to drink today:

1 Peter 5:6-8

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁶ Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, ⁷ casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

⁸ Be sober, be vigilant; because^[a] your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 

Matthew 6:33

New King James Version (NKJV)

³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.





2 Corinthians 12:9
New King James Version (NKJV)

9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

Isaiah 26:3

New King James Version (NKJV)

³ You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.

Philippians 4:19

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁹ And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Have a blessed day!

His beloved,

Sarah

 

Hanging Out with Sinners

Its another day!  Thank you God for letting me wake up this morning to a beautiful morning.  Thank you for giving me rest last night despite my very late bedtime.  You have refreshed me and filled me again with Your Spirit.  I am ready for whatever you have planned for me today.  Give me more people to speak to, more lives to be transformed by Your love!  Please allow me to be used by You today to reach people with this message of forgiveness, mercy and powerful victorious living!  I pray in Jesus' name, Amen!

From the moment I woke up this morning, one thing has been on my mind...YOU Lord Jesus!  I was thinking this morning about how You sat with sinners and dined with them.  You hung out with them in their own circumstances.  You didn't require that they become perfect before sitting with You.  You sat and talked, and broke bread, with the lowest people on earth - tax collectors, thieves, prostitutes, adulterers, the weak, the sick, the lepers - basically all the rejected people.  These were your\ companions.  The religious elite rejected you for your love, kindness and merciful heart.  They asked you why you would want to keep such "bad company."  In fact, the only people you ever spoke harshly to were the religious elite, those so caught up in their religion that they refused to hang out with real people, humble and desperate people in need of a message from God that could change their lives .  Lord, please do not let me ever become one of THOSE people.  Let me have a heart for the people You have a heart for, the lost, lonely and desperate - the weak and the suffering.  As Your heart breaks for them in their pain, let mine be broken as well for them.  Give me the words to speak and Your Spirit, Your Living Water to pour out of me like a river, bringing hope, peace and restoration to their lives.  I am crying out to You Lord today asking for this because there are still so many who need to come to the well and meet you for the first time.  They need to kow that you spoke with the woman at the well not because she is perfect, or has done everything right, but because you LOVE her and your desire is to see her healed and set free from the things that hurt her.  You know a better way that You have shown us in your Word.  There is too much religion and not enough love in the world today. 

Lord, give me strength to keep telling people about you even when I am tired, when I am struggling, when I have no words to speak.  I ask Lord that you would bless each person that visits this blog with peace and joy through the Holy Spirit.  Show them that you came to heal the sick, make the blind see, and set free those who are oppressed by the wickedness of this world.  Let the world see through me as your servant what You you have done for me and what you will do for each of them. I know God that you do not love me more than anyone else.  You love the murderer on death row as much as you love me.  You are not a respector of persons.  You have no favorites among Your children, and you are not only giving favor and love to those who do everything right but those who put their life, heart and trust in your Son Jesus. No religion can save a person from a miserable life, or an eternal death.  But you promised to give us LIFE while still here on the earth. You came that we might have life, and life more abundantly.  You came to save, heal and deliver, not to condemn.  We will still face trials and disappointments and failures, but you have said that nothing can separate us from Your LOVE that is in Jesus Christ.

I am so grateful that I met you in my time of greatest desperation and You gave me everything I could ever need in life.  Thank you Lord for never giving up on me even when I fail daily.  Thank you for constantly calling me back into Your presence and giving me new life, again and again.  You said in Your Word that you "will never leave me nor forsake (abandon) me."  I am so grateful today for this promise in my life.  This day is still new, and I know that I will most likely fail before the day is through.  I need Your help God to get through today, and not to just survive, but to thrive in it! Use me today for YOUR GLORY!  I ask all these things in Jesus' name.  Amen.

Some words I am thinking about today:

John 10:10 (NKJV)
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 3:17 (NKJV)
For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
Matthew 9:10 (NKJV)
Now it happened, as Jesus sat at the table in the house, that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Him and His disciples.
Matthew 10:8 (NKJV)
Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.

Romans 5:8 (NKJV)
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Isaiah 61

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Good News of Salvation

61 “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
² To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
³ To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

⁴ And they shall rebuild the old ruins,
They shall raise up the former desolations,
And they shall repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.
⁵ Strangers shall stand and feed your flocks,
And the sons of the foreigner
Shall be your plowmen and your vinedressers.
⁶ But you shall be named the priests of the Lord,
They shall call you the servants of our God.
You shall eat the riches of the Gentiles,
And in their glory you shall boast.
⁷ Instead of your shame you shall have double honor,
And instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion.
Therefore in their land they shall possess double;
Everlasting joy shall be theirs.

Today, I want to be a true follower of Jesus, welcoming sinners into my life and loving them the way He loved me.  If we are His children, we will walk, talk and act like Him.  I wanna look like Jesus today in my life.  Help me Lord to be more like you today.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

His beloved,

Sarah

Bring Your Dream to the Well

Do you have a dream in your heart that hasn't come true?  Is there just something inside of you that you are wanting to do or be - a dream that has yet to be fulfilled in your life?  For me, my first dream in life was to have beautiful, amazing, talented children. 

When I was 18 years old, I visited a doctor about chronic pain that had lasted several years. I had been to doctors before, but this time, the pain had become unbearable and was keeping me from enjoying my life and attending school. After being examined, I got a shocking answer.  I was told that I had a problem called endometriosis and that many women with my condition were infertile, had trouble conceiving and carrying children to term.  I was told that I might have many miscarriages if I tried to become pregnant (which has turned out to be true).  I had surgery in November of 2001 to remove the diseased parts of my body.

 My dream was to be a mother and have a family.  I went home from the doctor after surgery and became obsessed with researching my "incurable disease."  The more I researched, the more depressed I became.  After a month of this wallowing, I was in such a deep dark depression that I thought about ending my life.  You see, I had endured abuse as a child and depression had already robbed me of much of my childhood joy.  My only hope as a child was that one day I would have my own children and be a great mother.  I felt as though I had lost my childhood, but I could see my future being bright as I watched my own children grow and enjoy life.  That day in the doctor's office, I felt as though my one last hope for joy in life had been crushed.  I went through a wide range of thoughts and emotions, some of which included "Why would a man want to marry a woman who could not bear children?" and "What will I do with the rest of my life with no children, and possibly no husband?"  I became overwhelmed by an idea that I was broken and worthless to everyone.  One night, I was out doing my usual partying routine and I ended up sleeping with a man who I had known during my childhood.  I decided that I did not need to practice birth control because I had convinced myself that I would never have any children anyway.  I didn't care about myself or my life enough to worry about catching a disease.  Deep down inside, I was contemplating ending my life anyway, so why would it matter?  It was a deep, dark place where I found myself.  That is the night I got pregnant.

I was 19 years old, single and alone (and pregnant).  Just like the woman at the well, I was living a less-than status quo lifestyle.  When I came home from the doctor's office with terrible news, I prayed to God (even though I wasn't sure if He existed) every night.  I spent hours in tears, crying out to a God that I felt probably hated me anyway.  I honestly thought that the prognosis of me being infertile was just punishment for all the wrong I was doing in my life.  I certainly did not deserve to have any children...ever.  So, why did I get pregnant that night?  Looking back, I see the plan that God had for my life.  Although He did not condone or approve of my lifestyle, He blessed me with the desires of my heart as an act of pure grace, showing His goodness to me.  He chose that moment in my life to give me a child as He knew that one day it would lead me to Him.  Over the following years, I would constantly ask the question "Why did God give me this precious daughter when He knows I don't deserve her?" 

It was an act of God's love, for me and for her.  The truth is, God knew that one day I would not only give my own life to Him, but I would inroduce my children to Him as well, and teach them to live according to His Word.  He knew that one day, Mariah would turn to Him as her own Savior as well.  It would be the life experiences that she faced with me as a mother that led her to need a great big God who loved her.

 Did he approve of my actions? No.  Did He love me and my future children enough to grant me conception of a beautiful child?  Yes.  People like to say "Why would God bring a child into of the life of a single woman who had drug, alcohol and sex addiction issues?"  Doesn't that prove that God is not loving because He allowed hardship in the life of my daughter?  I think not.  There are a couple of scriptures that really speak to me when I think about all this.

Psalm 139: 13-16 (NKJV)

¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;^[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

Romans 8:28-29 (NKJV)

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.

According to the Word of God, God knew Mariah when she was being formed in the womb and He knew all her days that were written in His book before ONE of them came to be.  And, He works all things together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.  He predestined for her to be born to me, and then be conformed to the image of His Son.  Despite my less than desirable lifestyle, God had a plan for the good of her and me (and the rest of our family). 

Sometimes, we have a dream in our heart and something comes along in life and tries to steal our dream away.  I believe those dreams are planted in our hearts by a Wonderful and Loving Father, and our Savior Jesus (the man at the well).  He takes the dreams in our hearts and He has a plan to make them a reality. He also says He will give us exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ask or think according to the power that works in us (Ephesians 3:20-21, NKJV).

He has now given me THREE beautiful children, and a husband and a house, two dogs and a turtle. He has provided financially for me to be able to stay home and enjoy these precious gifts. He has taken me to amazing places, such as the Pacific Island of Guam and Seoul, South Korea.  Living on a tropical island and traveling to foreign countries were both dreams of mine since I was a very little girl, and He has given them both to me  I can honestly say He has given me more than I could ask or think.

Sometimes, we have dreams in our hearts from childhood that seem as though they will never come true.  God is the dream giver...  So, from where you stand in life, your dreams may have fallen away, you may have encountered great obstacles, and it may be seeming as though they are really just "pipe-dreams" after all.  I encourage you today to not give up on the dream in your heart.  Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4, NKJV). 

I have dreams that have yet to come true, but I am looking forward to the day that they DO.  Jesus sits at the well, just waiting for us to come and drink of His Living Water.  With God, all things are possible.  Unlike a wishing well, Jesus is able to make the dreams He has planted in your heart come true!

His beloved,

Sarah

I am A Woman at the Well...

As I begin writing this blog, my passion is to share the heart of an ordinary woman who has experienced extraordinary things through a relationship with Jesus Christ.  Through posting on Facebook, I have been able to share many stories of miracles that have happened in my life and attempt to answer the common question of "Why is your faith so strong?"  As I pondered this question, I began to think about the Samaritan woman at the well, described in the Book of John, Chapter 4.  She is an intriguing woman. She had a fascinating brief conversation with Jesus at a well in Samaria, where He was not even supposed to be traveling.  Historically, the Samaritans were considered "half-breeds" by the Jews, and not only was she Samaritan, but she was a woman.  In that time, Jewish men did not speak to women and they were generally considered to be less important than their male counterparts.  So...she was a half-breed Samaritan, woman, who admitted to Jesus (a rabbi) that she had five husbands and the man she wasn't even married to the man she lived with.  She was divorced, half-breed woman, speaking to the man that was God incarnate.  Tell me that is not interesting...

Like the Samaritan woman at the well (in John 4), I am nothing that would be considered extraordinary to the world.  In fact, for most of my life, I was considered a complete reject and misfit, and I was considered unclean and unholy by those in the church who had a religious agenda to fulfill.  I did not encounter the love of God through the church, I encountered rejection, disgust and  downright horror.  I attended church sparingly as a child, as my family did not attend.  I would occasionally be invited to church by a friend, but I never really fit into the church community.  I started drinking when I was 13 years old.  I began having sexual intercourse with various people at the age of 16.  By the time I graduated college, I was an absolute mess, scarred by years of alcohol and drug abuse, and broken relationships.  I certainly was not desired company.

One day, a young woman from the church on my college campus came to me with a Bible and said "Let's talk about the Ten Commandments.  Which one of these commandments do you think you struggle with the most?"  I answered, "Which one don't I struggle with on a regular basis."  She told me that Jesus came and died to save me, but it really didn't make much sense to me.  Why would a God who is great and powerful care anything about me?  Maybe if I was a good person and didn't drink, do drugs and sleep around, God might want to have this "relationship" with me.  But I was not that person.  I went out every night, drinking and carousing and not remembering much of it.  What I did remember only caused me more pain.  In response to the pain, I went out more, drank more and found more unhealthy relationships.  It was a vicious cycle.

I was hurting anyone and everyone who might have actually loved me.  I ended up in a very dark place all by myself.  Somehow I managed to get married and have two children, but that certainly did not make me a good wife or mother.  I was still struggling with alcoholism, drug abuse, and pain that manifested in anger.

While in the darkest place of my life, I began to have a desire to read the Bible.  I read a few chapters, but it really didn't make any sense to me.  It was then that my life changed dramatically.  I had a very powerful encounter with a very real God.  This was my Samaritan woman at the well experience with Jesus.  I had finally reached a breaking point in my life where I realized the drinking, drugs and hate were not going to heal my heart.  I felt as though I had no place to turn and seriously pondered giving up on life.  A friend called me while I was in this state and told me her pastor had given her a couple of Bible verses for me to read, one of which was Psalm 51.  I sat down at the computer and pulled up the verses online.  As I began to read Psalm 51 out loud, I began to weep and sob uncontrollably.

 I laid down on the tile floor of my parents' house and cried as hard as humanly possible.  In the midst of the crying, all I could say was "I am sorry God, I am sorry I have messed up my life completely.  I am sorry for all I have done (and I began to name some of the major things that caused me great pain).  Please help me!  I know that I have messed my life up completely and I don't know how you are going to fix it, but I TRUST that YOU WILL."  At that moment, the most amazing warm, peaceful feeling felt like it started in my chest and moved throughout my body.  I felt as though I was sitting in a warm bath of love.  I felt truly loved for the first time in my life.  I felt peace in my heart that I had never known.  I thought to myself - "What do I do now?"

I didn't know how to be religious or go to church every Sunday.  I had never done that.  I didn't know how to pray, or read the Bible.  I didn't know the books of the Bible's names, or any of the main characters in it, except Jesus.  I just reached out to God that day and asked for His help and forgiveness.  I told Him I believed that Jesus had died for me (somehow) and that His death and resurrection was enough for me to live free from sin.  My words to God in that prayer were not eloquent or "religious" sounding and many church folk may have been appalled at how unholy I sounded.  I am not bashing on the church, I just want you all to know that church didn't save me from my sins, Jesus did.  People couldn't save me, and I sure couldn't save myself, but Jesus could. All I had to do was drink the Living Water that He offered me that day (at the well).  He said to the Samaritan woman that she would never thirst again if she drank the water He gave her.  I can honestly say that statement is true.  I continue to go back to the well (the Word) and drink deeply and I am satisfied with His peace, love and joy (forgiveness and salvation) all over again.

I AM a woman at the well, and He (Jesus) is my Living Water.

Come drink with me.

His beloved,

Sarah