Do you have a dream in your heart that hasn't come true? Is there just something inside of you that you are wanting to do or be - a dream that has yet to be fulfilled in your life? For me, my first dream in life was to have beautiful, amazing, talented children.
When I was 18 years old, I visited a doctor about chronic pain that had lasted several years. I had been to doctors before, but this time, the pain had become unbearable and was keeping me from enjoying my life and attending school. After being examined, I got a shocking answer. I was told that I had a problem called endometriosis and that many women with my condition were infertile, had trouble conceiving and carrying children to term. I was told that I might have many miscarriages if I tried to become pregnant (which has turned out to be true). I had surgery in November of 2001 to remove the diseased parts of my body.
My dream was to be a mother and have a family. I went home from the doctor after surgery and became obsessed with researching my "incurable disease." The more I researched, the more depressed I became. After a month of this wallowing, I was in such a deep dark depression that I thought about ending my life. You see, I had endured abuse as a child and depression had already robbed me of much of my childhood joy. My only hope as a child was that one day I would have my own children and be a great mother. I felt as though I had lost my childhood, but I could see my future being bright as I watched my own children grow and enjoy life. That day in the doctor's office, I felt as though my one last hope for joy in life had been crushed. I went through a wide range of thoughts and emotions, some of which included "Why would a man want to marry a woman who could not bear children?" and "What will I do with the rest of my life with no children, and possibly no husband?" I became overwhelmed by an idea that I was broken and worthless to everyone. One night, I was out doing my usual partying routine and I ended up sleeping with a man who I had known during my childhood. I decided that I did not need to practice birth control because I had convinced myself that I would never have any children anyway. I didn't care about myself or my life enough to worry about catching a disease. Deep down inside, I was contemplating ending my life anyway, so why would it matter? It was a deep, dark place where I found myself. That is the night I got pregnant.
I was 19 years old, single and alone (and pregnant). Just like the woman at the well, I was living a less-than status quo lifestyle. When I came home from the doctor's office with terrible news, I prayed to God (even though I wasn't sure if He existed) every night. I spent hours in tears, crying out to a God that I felt probably hated me anyway. I honestly thought that the prognosis of me being infertile was just punishment for all the wrong I was doing in my life. I certainly did not deserve to have any children...ever. So, why did I get pregnant that night? Looking back, I see the plan that God had for my life. Although He did not condone or approve of my lifestyle, He blessed me with the desires of my heart as an act of pure grace, showing His goodness to me. He chose that moment in my life to give me a child as He knew that one day it would lead me to Him. Over the following years, I would constantly ask the question "Why did God give me this precious daughter when He knows I don't deserve her?"
It was an act of God's love, for me and for her. The truth is, God knew that one day I would not only give my own life to Him, but I would inroduce my children to Him as well, and teach them to live according to His Word. He knew that one day, Mariah would turn to Him as her own Savior as well. It would be the life experiences that she faced with me as a mother that led her to need a great big God who loved her.
Did he approve of my actions? No. Did He love me and my future children enough to grant me conception of a beautiful child? Yes. People like to say "Why would God bring a child into of the life of a single woman who had drug, alcohol and sex addiction issues?" Doesn't that prove that God is not loving because He allowed hardship in the life of my daughter? I think not. There are a couple of scriptures that really speak to me when I think about all this.
Psalm 139: 13-16 (NKJV)
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
Romans 8:28-29 (NKJV)
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
According to the Word of God, God knew Mariah when she was being formed in the womb and He knew all her days that were written in His book before ONE of them came to be. And, He works all things together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. He predestined for her to be born to me, and then be conformed to the image of His Son. Despite my less than desirable lifestyle, God had a plan for the good of her and me (and the rest of our family).
Sometimes, we have a dream in our heart and something comes along in life and tries to steal our dream away. I believe those dreams are planted in our hearts by a Wonderful and Loving Father, and our Savior Jesus (the man at the well). He takes the dreams in our hearts and He has a plan to make them a reality. He also says He will give us exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ask or think according to the power that works in us (Ephesians 3:20-21, NKJV).
He has now given me THREE beautiful children, and a husband and a house, two dogs and a turtle. He has provided financially for me to be able to stay home and enjoy these precious gifts. He has taken me to amazing places, such as the Pacific Island of Guam and Seoul, South Korea. Living on a tropical island and traveling to foreign countries were both dreams of mine since I was a very little girl, and He has given them both to me I can honestly say He has given me more than I could ask or think.
Sometimes, we have dreams in our hearts from childhood that seem as though they will never come true. God is the dream giver... So, from where you stand in life, your dreams may have fallen away, you may have encountered great obstacles, and it may be seeming as though they are really just "pipe-dreams" after all. I encourage you today to not give up on the dream in your heart. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4, NKJV).
I have dreams that have yet to come true, but I am looking forward to the day that they DO. Jesus sits at the well, just waiting for us to come and drink of His Living Water. With God, all things are possible. Unlike a wishing well, Jesus is able to make the dreams He has planted in your heart come true!
His beloved,
Sarah
When I was 18 years old, I visited a doctor about chronic pain that had lasted several years. I had been to doctors before, but this time, the pain had become unbearable and was keeping me from enjoying my life and attending school. After being examined, I got a shocking answer. I was told that I had a problem called endometriosis and that many women with my condition were infertile, had trouble conceiving and carrying children to term. I was told that I might have many miscarriages if I tried to become pregnant (which has turned out to be true). I had surgery in November of 2001 to remove the diseased parts of my body.
My dream was to be a mother and have a family. I went home from the doctor after surgery and became obsessed with researching my "incurable disease." The more I researched, the more depressed I became. After a month of this wallowing, I was in such a deep dark depression that I thought about ending my life. You see, I had endured abuse as a child and depression had already robbed me of much of my childhood joy. My only hope as a child was that one day I would have my own children and be a great mother. I felt as though I had lost my childhood, but I could see my future being bright as I watched my own children grow and enjoy life. That day in the doctor's office, I felt as though my one last hope for joy in life had been crushed. I went through a wide range of thoughts and emotions, some of which included "Why would a man want to marry a woman who could not bear children?" and "What will I do with the rest of my life with no children, and possibly no husband?" I became overwhelmed by an idea that I was broken and worthless to everyone. One night, I was out doing my usual partying routine and I ended up sleeping with a man who I had known during my childhood. I decided that I did not need to practice birth control because I had convinced myself that I would never have any children anyway. I didn't care about myself or my life enough to worry about catching a disease. Deep down inside, I was contemplating ending my life anyway, so why would it matter? It was a deep, dark place where I found myself. That is the night I got pregnant.
I was 19 years old, single and alone (and pregnant). Just like the woman at the well, I was living a less-than status quo lifestyle. When I came home from the doctor's office with terrible news, I prayed to God (even though I wasn't sure if He existed) every night. I spent hours in tears, crying out to a God that I felt probably hated me anyway. I honestly thought that the prognosis of me being infertile was just punishment for all the wrong I was doing in my life. I certainly did not deserve to have any children...ever. So, why did I get pregnant that night? Looking back, I see the plan that God had for my life. Although He did not condone or approve of my lifestyle, He blessed me with the desires of my heart as an act of pure grace, showing His goodness to me. He chose that moment in my life to give me a child as He knew that one day it would lead me to Him. Over the following years, I would constantly ask the question "Why did God give me this precious daughter when He knows I don't deserve her?"
It was an act of God's love, for me and for her. The truth is, God knew that one day I would not only give my own life to Him, but I would inroduce my children to Him as well, and teach them to live according to His Word. He knew that one day, Mariah would turn to Him as her own Savior as well. It would be the life experiences that she faced with me as a mother that led her to need a great big God who loved her.
Did he approve of my actions? No. Did He love me and my future children enough to grant me conception of a beautiful child? Yes. People like to say "Why would God bring a child into of the life of a single woman who had drug, alcohol and sex addiction issues?" Doesn't that prove that God is not loving because He allowed hardship in the life of my daughter? I think not. There are a couple of scriptures that really speak to me when I think about all this.
Psalm 139: 13-16 (NKJV)
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
Romans 8:28-29 (NKJV)
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
According to the Word of God, God knew Mariah when she was being formed in the womb and He knew all her days that were written in His book before ONE of them came to be. And, He works all things together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. He predestined for her to be born to me, and then be conformed to the image of His Son. Despite my less than desirable lifestyle, God had a plan for the good of her and me (and the rest of our family).
Sometimes, we have a dream in our heart and something comes along in life and tries to steal our dream away. I believe those dreams are planted in our hearts by a Wonderful and Loving Father, and our Savior Jesus (the man at the well). He takes the dreams in our hearts and He has a plan to make them a reality. He also says He will give us exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ask or think according to the power that works in us (Ephesians 3:20-21, NKJV).
He has now given me THREE beautiful children, and a husband and a house, two dogs and a turtle. He has provided financially for me to be able to stay home and enjoy these precious gifts. He has taken me to amazing places, such as the Pacific Island of Guam and Seoul, South Korea. Living on a tropical island and traveling to foreign countries were both dreams of mine since I was a very little girl, and He has given them both to me I can honestly say He has given me more than I could ask or think.
Sometimes, we have dreams in our hearts from childhood that seem as though they will never come true. God is the dream giver... So, from where you stand in life, your dreams may have fallen away, you may have encountered great obstacles, and it may be seeming as though they are really just "pipe-dreams" after all. I encourage you today to not give up on the dream in your heart. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4, NKJV).
I have dreams that have yet to come true, but I am looking forward to the day that they DO. Jesus sits at the well, just waiting for us to come and drink of His Living Water. With God, all things are possible. Unlike a wishing well, Jesus is able to make the dreams He has planted in your heart come true!
His beloved,
Sarah
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteWow, I enjoy each blog you write..! I have been down a very close path as you have but the difference is I have just began finding myself through the Lord. I had no where else to turn and give it a try. I also have endometriosis and was told I could never have kids well I had my son at 19, I went through many years of physical abuse for a man I thought I loved and could help but in turn he almost took my life.. So in turn I turned to alcohol and have struggled now for many years I almost through my son away for it! I have done many things I'm really not proud of but I have decided I'm turning to the Lord to try and help me get on the right path.
I just want to thank you for your faith because it's really helped me push myself to see that there is really such thing.. An I always thought I was the only one that was so lost and damaged and you also helped me realize it's not just me that's had struggles.. Thank you so much and keep writing because it's amazing..! :)
Amanda
Amanda,
ReplyDeleteYour comment brought tears to my eyes. I remember feeling so hopeless and lost. I too was in an abusive relationship and the man threatened to kill me. I left with my dog and the clothes on my back. I really hit rock bottom before I found Jesus. I still don't have all the answers, but I tell people all the time that if God can do everything He has done in my life, He can (and WILL) do it in yours as well. The idea for this blog came to me because the woman at the well was so imperfect and obviously unable to satisfy her own needs, as she was attempting to do with all those husbands (as I understand it). She wanted something that would meet her needs and she questioned Jesus' ability and authority to give her what she needed. She has probably been hurt in the past and despised by people and when Jesus offered her the Living Water, she took it and then went and told everybody to come hear this man that gave it to her. That reminded me of me. It also reminds me of you. Jesus understands if you are still struggling. He will give you daily what you need to have life more abundantly as you seek Him daily in His Word and in prayer. These are my two habits that no one can never take away from me. They are where my strength, hope, healing and deliverance come from. I could not live without the Living Water! I am too weak in myself to do the things God has allowed me and empowered me to do. Keep seeking Him and He will meet all your needs. God bless you sister!
I am going to be writing about daily struggles I have and how God answers me in those needs with this blog. That is the purpose of the whole thing. Keep reading!
Your sister in Christ,
Sarah