Staying Focused: Keeping My Eyes on Jesus

So much has been going on these past few months.  God has been doing a new work in me.  I have been facing some inward parts of myself that are difficult to deal with.  I have been reliving memories from the past and feeling pain that I deemed long gone.  God is healing these parts of me, and He alone is showing me the depth and breadth of His passionate love for me.  As Christians, we all go through different seasons in our walk with the Lord.  When things are going well, it can be hard to see our need for Jesus, thinking ourselves to have it all figured out.  Somewhere along the way, this happened to me.  Perhaps it was pride that was underneath the surface, but I was wearing a thick mask until now.  It is very difficult trying to pretend as though all is well when you feeling the ground shaking beneath you.  I have been dealing with Jeff's illness, but also I have learned that there will always be something going on in my life that is not according to my plan.  I have to learn that God's plans are ultimately the best for my life, better than my own could ever be!  Life may not go according to the way I dreamed it would be, but I have to believe that God's way will be even better in the long run.  I have realized that I allow my focus to become on other people's faults and shortcomings, and not even on my own need for Jesus' saving grace and power to live a holy (set apart for His purposes) life.  Holy does not mean I am perfect, because I certainly am not.  Lately, that has become even more apparent to me as I have become trapped in a dark cycle of heaviness and feeling hopelessness.  God has given me a ministry of bringing the hope of Jesus to a hopeless world, and yet I am feeling hopeless. 

Last night, I called a friend on the other side of the world.  It was amazing how the words she spoke were exactly what I needed to hear at this moment.  It was God speaking to me through her.  She spoke of going back to the basics of just spending time with the Lord, obeying and trusting Him, trusting and obeying Him.  I realized as we talked that I have wandered from my first love...Jesus. He may not have been my first earthly love, as I seemed to love many things and people before Him. Thinking about what has NOT happened in my life was the trap set for me by the enemy.  The enemy has tried to convince me that God does not have good plans for my life, that somehow I had lost something that could never be replaced.  It was disheartening and the more I concentrated on this lie of the devil, the more I began to feel weak and hopeless.  However, once it began, the thoughts just kept coming at a rapid pace.  The enemy thought he had me trapped and would destroy me through hopelessness, doubt and fear. 

This is the exact moment that I heard the Lord speak into my spirit, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  He revealed the plans of the enemy, showed me how I was believing a lie, and showed me that all I had to do was trust in Jesus again.  You see, what I think I lost was never mine to begin with.  I was a different person.  With my baptism into the death of Christ, and my resurrection to new life in Him, that became lost to me as well.  A living sacrifice was made, as is holy and acceptable to the Lord.  I cannot and will not return to that dark place, Lord willing.  I cannot stay away in my own strength, but with Him, I know that I am safely hidden under the shadow of His wings.  He will protect me, keep me, and deliver me to Himself on the day of salvation.  It may have felt as though there is loss in my life, but really I have gained more than I ever lost, just as Paul said. 

I realized last night, as I sat talking to my friend, that Jesus is the lover of my soul.  He is a passionate lover of everything that makes up ME.  He created me this way and deeply loves me when others think I am a strange.  As I hung up the phone and prayed quietly, I felt the presence of God fill my room and His peace overcome me.  I forgot what I thought I was formerly missing, and all was well in my heart again. 

I encourage you that if you are focused on the past, things that have not worked out the way you planned, take these things to the Lord and let Him absorb your emotions in the presence of His love.  When our focus is solely on Him, there is unsurpassed peace in our hearts.  Its when I take my eyes off His love and goodness toward me in Jesus that I begin to feel as though I am sinking again. 

I need His help to walk forward from here.  I feel as though I am a newborn baby again, having to let go of the past and pressing forward, onward toward the high calling that is in Christ Jesus.  It is difficult to let go.  It hurts, but I know God will heal me and help me to live the abundant life He died to give me. 

I pray you are all blessed in Jesus name. 

His beloved,

Sarah