Great Weakness = Great Power (Anointing)

I have seen so many people that have great weakness in their lives.  Whether someone's weakness be lying, lust, stealing, addiction, adultery, gambling, pride, covetousness or envy (as well as many more)...every person is weak every day. I have personally been weak (and continue to be) in so many areas of my life that they cannot be counted.  I am a former alcohol and drug addict who has habitually lied, usually out of  deep desire to gain other's approval.  I now see my children lying at times because they desperately want my approval, which I believe I give them liberally.  I have been weak in the areas of keeping my word and being a faithful and trustworthy friend.  I have been exploding with pride at times and almost crippled with fear at other times.  The world might say that I am a "hot mess."

But aren't we all a hot mess if we are being honest with ourselves?  Your weaknesses may be different than mine, but the truth is, we are all very weak in our own ways.  The Bible says that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  ALL.  That includes you (and me).  ALL includes world leaders, your children's teachers...ALL means ALL.

With this information, there are a couple of things we could do.  We can sit down and just say "it will never be better, I'll always be a mess" or we can go to God and ask Him for wisdom on how our lives might become better, and we might overcome weakness and become stronger.

James 1:5 (KJV)

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men liberally, and reproaches not; and it shall be given him."

As we study the scriptures of the Bible, what does God say about our weaknesses?

2 Corinthians 13:4 (KJV)

"For though he was crucified through weakness, yet he lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but we shall live with him by the power of God toward you."

So we see that in great weakness, Jesus went to the cross to be crucified as the perfect sacrifice to make atonement for all the sins of the world - our weaknesses.  He lives now by the power of God that raised Him from the dead, and so, although we are great in weaknesses, we live by the power of God's Spirit living in us and working toward our lives.

1 John 4:9 (KJV)

"In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him."

God knew our weakness, the curse of sin in our lives...He knew we couldn't fix our own problems, or become strong through our own will.  We needed power from God to overcome our weakness.  This power came through God sending His only begotten Son Jesus to die for our sins, that we might live through Him. 

Romans 6:4

"Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that just as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life."

A few years ago, I was feeling especially frustrated with my own personal weaknesses and the weaknesses of those around me.  I was feeling overwhelmed by the work of Satan in my life, and the consequences of sin in my life.  I was feeling very heavy and sad, as if I would never overcome these problems.  The LORD spoke into my spirit and said:

I want to tell you a secret of the kingdom of God.  I want to tell you something that Satan does not want you to know.  THE AREA OF YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS IS ALSO THE AREA OF YOUR GREATEST POWER AND ANOINTING.

I thought about what the Lord was speaking to me.  This truth settled into my spirit as I began to remember what the Bible says about this:

2 Samuel 3:38-39 (KJV)

"And the king said unto his servants, Know you not that there is a prince and a great man fallen this day in Israel? And I am this day weak, though anointed king; and these men the sons of Zeruiah are too hard for me: the LORD shall reward the doer of evil according to his wickedness."

Here we see an anointed king of Israel declaring his weakness before God.  He then states that the Lord will reward the evildoer - showing God's power to accomplish what the king of Israel could not do!  If the king of Israel is weak and relies on God's power to accomplish great things, so should we!

2 Corinthians 12:6 (NLT)

"If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I won't do it, because I don't want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message, even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

The Apostle Paul knew this secret of God's kingdom - weakness in our lives allows for God's great power to be shown in us.  We are weak, but God is strong enough to overcome all our weakness.  In our weakness, the power of Christ shines more brightly through our lives.   People come to know that all have sinned, but God's glory is in the lives of His children through Jesus, not by our own works.

I know that you have weakness in your life.  I know that you struggle.  I do too.  We can be sure that God does not look down on us in anger for our weakness, but instead it gives Him an opportunity to show off the great power and glory of His grace working through our lives. 

May God bless you upon the hearing of His Word give you knowledge, understanding and wisdom in Jesus name!

Your sister in Christ,

Sarah

















 

Staying Focused: Keeping My Eyes on Jesus

So much has been going on these past few months.  God has been doing a new work in me.  I have been facing some inward parts of myself that are difficult to deal with.  I have been reliving memories from the past and feeling pain that I deemed long gone.  God is healing these parts of me, and He alone is showing me the depth and breadth of His passionate love for me.  As Christians, we all go through different seasons in our walk with the Lord.  When things are going well, it can be hard to see our need for Jesus, thinking ourselves to have it all figured out.  Somewhere along the way, this happened to me.  Perhaps it was pride that was underneath the surface, but I was wearing a thick mask until now.  It is very difficult trying to pretend as though all is well when you feeling the ground shaking beneath you.  I have been dealing with Jeff's illness, but also I have learned that there will always be something going on in my life that is not according to my plan.  I have to learn that God's plans are ultimately the best for my life, better than my own could ever be!  Life may not go according to the way I dreamed it would be, but I have to believe that God's way will be even better in the long run.  I have realized that I allow my focus to become on other people's faults and shortcomings, and not even on my own need for Jesus' saving grace and power to live a holy (set apart for His purposes) life.  Holy does not mean I am perfect, because I certainly am not.  Lately, that has become even more apparent to me as I have become trapped in a dark cycle of heaviness and feeling hopelessness.  God has given me a ministry of bringing the hope of Jesus to a hopeless world, and yet I am feeling hopeless. 

Last night, I called a friend on the other side of the world.  It was amazing how the words she spoke were exactly what I needed to hear at this moment.  It was God speaking to me through her.  She spoke of going back to the basics of just spending time with the Lord, obeying and trusting Him, trusting and obeying Him.  I realized as we talked that I have wandered from my first love...Jesus. He may not have been my first earthly love, as I seemed to love many things and people before Him. Thinking about what has NOT happened in my life was the trap set for me by the enemy.  The enemy has tried to convince me that God does not have good plans for my life, that somehow I had lost something that could never be replaced.  It was disheartening and the more I concentrated on this lie of the devil, the more I began to feel weak and hopeless.  However, once it began, the thoughts just kept coming at a rapid pace.  The enemy thought he had me trapped and would destroy me through hopelessness, doubt and fear. 

This is the exact moment that I heard the Lord speak into my spirit, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  He revealed the plans of the enemy, showed me how I was believing a lie, and showed me that all I had to do was trust in Jesus again.  You see, what I think I lost was never mine to begin with.  I was a different person.  With my baptism into the death of Christ, and my resurrection to new life in Him, that became lost to me as well.  A living sacrifice was made, as is holy and acceptable to the Lord.  I cannot and will not return to that dark place, Lord willing.  I cannot stay away in my own strength, but with Him, I know that I am safely hidden under the shadow of His wings.  He will protect me, keep me, and deliver me to Himself on the day of salvation.  It may have felt as though there is loss in my life, but really I have gained more than I ever lost, just as Paul said. 

I realized last night, as I sat talking to my friend, that Jesus is the lover of my soul.  He is a passionate lover of everything that makes up ME.  He created me this way and deeply loves me when others think I am a strange.  As I hung up the phone and prayed quietly, I felt the presence of God fill my room and His peace overcome me.  I forgot what I thought I was formerly missing, and all was well in my heart again. 

I encourage you that if you are focused on the past, things that have not worked out the way you planned, take these things to the Lord and let Him absorb your emotions in the presence of His love.  When our focus is solely on Him, there is unsurpassed peace in our hearts.  Its when I take my eyes off His love and goodness toward me in Jesus that I begin to feel as though I am sinking again. 

I need His help to walk forward from here.  I feel as though I am a newborn baby again, having to let go of the past and pressing forward, onward toward the high calling that is in Christ Jesus.  It is difficult to let go.  It hurts, but I know God will heal me and help me to live the abundant life He died to give me. 

I pray you are all blessed in Jesus name. 

His beloved,

Sarah

Living Between the Poles: Loving a Spouse with Bipolar Disorder

I have finally gathered the courage, with God's help, to share a very intimate struggle that occurs daily in our household.  I have been married to my loving husband, Jeff, for six and half years.  Throughout this time, we have suffered many hardships.  As I have mentioned on numerous other occasions, we have faced extensive problems and illness.  One illness that has greatly affected our marriage and home is Bipolar Disorder with Panic Disorder.  At the beginning of this past year, Jeff suffered through an emotional breakdown while performing his duties as a recruiter for the United States Air Force.  After taking him to a local hospital, he visited a psychiatrist and was definitively diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Panic Disorder.  He was put on medications that have helped him greatly in the past few months.  However, as I began to research these disorders, I felt as though I was staring in the mirror while reading others' testimonies about the behavior of their bipolar spouses.  I realized that the struggles we have faced all these years are not uncommon for married couples who deal with Bipolar Disorder in the home.  The divorce rate for marriages that involve Bipolar is 90%.  I can understand why after living with the constant cycles of mania and depression, anxiety and fear.  Jeff also suffers from Panic Disorder which makes things even more interesting in our household.  In the blink of an eye, he can go from seemingly normal to his heart racing, having heightened anxiety, and almost paranoid fear.  As some of you may have already realized (especially military families), our future as a military family is yet very uncertain.  At one point, I comforted myself with the idea that should Jeff be medically discharged from the military, he would most likely qualify for 100% disability, but that just doesn't seem to really comfort me. 

Growing up, I dreamed of having a husband who loved me and would give the world for me.  I wanted to be that kind of wife to my husband as well.  I must say that I am 100% sure that my husband LOVES me very much.  I have been asked if I felt he was purposely trying to make me divorce him by acting this way.  That can really mess with a person's mind who is already dealing with such a major life issue.  The answer to that question is NO.  He is not doing it to me on purpose.  He LOVES me, but he has an illness that greatly affects the way he shows me love.  I never know what kind of day it will be when I wake up in the morning.  Jeff, it seems, is a "rapid-cycler" when it comes to Bipolar.  That means that one day he might be totally energized, even a little obssessed, with a new project...staying up until the wee hours of the morning working on something.  Then the very next day, he will lack all motivation to do anything and sleep all day.  This may sound normal to many people, or just a lack of balance in one's waking and sleep patterns.  That is why this disorder is sometimes not diagnosed for many years at a time.  I have always known in my heart that something was not quite right about the way Jeff acted, but I did not feel it was anything medically wrong until he had a breakdown this year.  The only other time I remember his behavior becoming extreme was after he returned from a deployment to Iraq.  However, that is to be expected post-deployment; there is always a re-adjustment period.  He just never re-adjusted. He began having more sleep problems, anger and irritablity - along with what we now define as panic attacks.  The psychiatrist said that there is probably some PTSD happening as well.

 Now, looking back, I can see all the rapid cycles and how the lack of judgment and poor decision making tied into those episodes.  People would often call Jeff "lazy" or say that he had no ambition or motivation.  He has plenty of ambition when he is manic. Jeff is also a very talented craftsmen, and most of his projects revolve around working with his hands. He can even be extremely innovative and inventive, producing a training model for the Air Force that saved them money and manhours for training staff on aircraft arresting systems. Many times, he has ingenious ideas, but the lack of motivation caused by depression gets in the way of his greatness.  He is smart, but sometimes, it is hard for him to concentrate and he can be quite forgetful.  I can see the man on the inside, and he is great.  I now understand how people with various disorders are judged in the world by their problems, and not by their unique gifts/talents.

By the way, there are some very famous and brilliant people who are thought to have/had Bipolar Disorder.  Some include: Vincent Van Gogh, Virginia Woolf, Jane Pauley, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Winston Churchill, Michelangelo, Mozart, Isaac Newton, Picasso, Albert Einstein, and even Christopher Columbus.  Of course many of these are just thought to be bipolar, as this diagnosis did not exist during the time of their existence on earth, but is based on the historical data of their lives and behaviors.

I have been told by several people that it would be better to save myself and my children from the process of living with a Bipolar husband and father. I have thought of leaving, especially on the more difficult days.  I feel weak at times, but I pray and ask God for strength.

They ask if my children will become Bipolar, and I pray constantly that they will be protected from all harm, including Bipolar Disorder.I have also given them education on why Daddy behaves this way, and teach them a different way of thinking, if possible. I absolutely hate the thought that one of my children might suffer the way I have seen my husband suffer through this disorder.  While it may disturb me and cause problems in our marriage, it is downright hellish for him to live this out on a daily basis.  I married him because I love him and he has a wonderful, loving, compassionate and forgiving heart.  He loved me when I thought I was unloveable and hated myself.  He stuck with me through alcoholism and drug use, and although those things are no longer part of my life, he was with me in the beginning when they were.  Nobody is perfect. 

I have struggled in speaking about this publicly for many reasons.  First, I do not want opinions changing regarding my husband.  Perhaps, some people who have witnessed his erratic, brazen and even somewhat abusive behavior might begin to understand him better.  I am not making excuses for him and I do hold him accountable for his actions, as well as taking his medications, and being genuinely sorry for words/actions that are hurtful. As I expect to be held accountable as well.

For the longest time, this has been a secret in our lives and it is time to open that lid.  Recently, I began to realize how much living with Bipolar Disorder has truly affected me, both positively and negatively.  On the positive side, I have learned how to be more loving, compassionate and forgiving than I ever thought possible.  I have been longsuffering, patient and done my utmost to be kind to my husband, although I fail daily at this! On the negative side, without support, I often become depressed and feel hopeless about the future.  I feel "trapped" inside of a box, and lonely not reaching out to others to give/receive help.

I began to realize recently that keeping this a secret was becoming more hurtful than helpful to me and our family.  I realized that we have wonderful, amazing loving friends and family who I know will support us and pray for us through this struggle.

I wake up every day and ask God to give me the strength to be the kind of woman, wife and mother that He has called me to be.  Every day, I wake up feeling a complete lack of strength and I depend on the strength of God to get me through.  I am TIRED of keeping this a secret.  I love my husband. It is hard to live with this disorder.  I once was faced with another situation in life where I had the choice to support someone or walk away.  I walked away and it was not the right decision.  I will not make that same mistake twice.  And to that person, you know who you are, and I am SORRY - more than you will ever know.  But because I made that mistake, it has turned me into a committed wife who will continue to try every day to keep going, even if it means there is pain involved.  Life is not easy, and I don't want to take the easy way out.  That is painful too.

I admire Jeff, who is constantly humble and courageous. Despite the horrible nature of this disorder, he pushes on every day, loving me and his children - providing for our family, regardless of how hard it can be just to get through some days.  He has even branched out recently and we have begun to make some new friends.  I asked him recently if I could share our struggle online, and he said YES.  He said "I know there are other people out there with this problem, and I am not the only one."

I haven't even told him yet, but one day when I become a Professional Counselor, I am going to try to help other people who have Bipolar Disorder.  Perhaps, I will do research and find out better ways for clients and their families to truly LIVE and not let the disorder rob life away from them.  Going through this has inspired me to bring hope to the hopeless. 

One way of doing this today is through our ministry, Esther's Call Prayer Ministry, at www.estherscallprayerministry.org. Anyone can receive free prayer and encouragement by sending an email to pray4me@estherscallprayerministry.org, or calling 918-424-7161, a 24/7 open FREE prayer line.

I pray that you will read this and understand why I have written this post.  And I say to you please, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. We are facing enough without any negative comments. 

Love you all!  God bless you abundantly in Jesus name.

Sarah

My Secret Battle...

As some of you know, I have recently been making some major lifestyle changes, learning to eat a whole food organic diet and starting the Insanity workout program. What you may not know is why this has become so important to me.

When I was 19 years old, I became pregnant with a beautiful baby girl who I later named Mariah. At that time, I weighed 121 lbs. and actually considered myself to be overweight. I am 5'2" just for reference. I was active and went rock climbing at a local gym. Despite my attempts to eat somewhat healthy food, I gained 33 lbs. and this weight was not hard to lose. Within just a few months, I was back to normal with just a few new "marks". When Mariah was 3 years old, I married Jeff. I was pregnant at the time and gained another 37 lbs. During that pregnancy. I was able to lose all but ten pounds when I became pregnant again. As usual, I began to gain weight almost immediately and very quickly. At 7.5 weeks of pregnancy, I suffered a miscarriage. I had miscarried before very early in another pregnancy, but without the rapid weight gain. After a few days, I began to feel stronger symptoms of pregnancy and found out that I was still pregnant despite having miscarried. This was indicative that I had been carrying twins. I kept gaining weight until 2 weeks later when I suffered yet another miscarriage. The doctor gave us the green light to keep trying and so we did. The very next month, I became pregnant again. I never had time to lose the weight of the twin pregnancy but I was overjoyed to be pregnant again. After 7 1/2 weeks, the doctors declared that I had suffered yet another miscarriage. It was devastating.

Jeff and I went through chromosomal testing which came back that we were both normal. The very next month after the third consecutive miscarriage, we decided to stop trying to conceive. Three weeks later, I found out I was pregnant again. This was my pregnancy with my son, Colt. I started this pregnancy after three miscarriages and months of weight gain and hormonal fluctuations. I was 143 lbs. I then gained 44 lbs.

On the day of giving birth, I was 187 lbs. My body had been through so much by this point. Then, during delivery, my blood pressure dropped to 60/40 and my pulse was 40. I was rushed into c-section.

I spent six weeks recovering from the c-section but something just didn't feel right. I began getting dizzy and nauseated all throughout the day and then I began having "near-fainting" episodes. Then while attempting to do the p90x workout program, I collapsed. This inspired me to visit my doctor who did an EKG and told me it was abnormal. I visited a cardiologist and was told that I had an arrhythmia and a hole between the atriums of my heart that could cause an aneurism. I was told that I would need a pacemaker and I was restricted from exercising in any way that made my heart rate rise above 150 bpm. I asked how I was supposed to lose the weight I had gained through pregnancy and was told that my heart health was a priority, not weight loss. I was 163 lbs. at the time. I was told that a power walk was the most exercise I would do. It was mentally crushing to think that i would have to live in my fat body with joint pain and fatigue forever. I hated looking in the mirror being disgusted at my own appearance. This caused me to lose all self-confidence and begin to hate myself. I stopped wearing "cute" clothes thinking, "what is the point?"

I dreaded the thought that someone might take a picture of me and tag me
on Facebook. I would quickly try to delete any pictures of myself that anyone took. I began to cry before God asking why this was happening to me. I prayed for healing of my heart continually and told God that if He healed my heart, I would trust Him to help me lose the weight through diet and exercise.

I prayed and prayed, and asked others to pray for healing of my heart. One day, while visiting a new church, I went to the front to have the prayer team pray for me. We agreed in prayer for God to heal my heart. From that moment on, I felt different. A couple of months later I went to the cardiologist and he declared that my heart "healed itself" and that I wad totally healthy and normal. There is nothing wrong with my heart. I ran on a treadmill during a stress test and then had an ultrasound of my heart which showed the hole that had existed and showed it was completely healed.

As promised to God, I began to pray for wisdom about making healthier choices with diet and exercise. Right before I was healed, I had visited the ER and had an EKG performed that showed evidence of a possible previous heart attack. This was all healed. Now I am eating a whole foods and organic diet, called "clean eating" and I am able to do the Insanity workout program without a flutter in my heart, dizziness or fainting. The doctors said I would never be able to do this.

But with God, nothing is impossible. Today, I am 144 lbs. I've lost 43 lbs already but I'm just getting started. My goal is to weigh 125 lbs., but most all be healthier than I have ever been in my life, and be in better physical shape.

Please pray for me as I continue down this path where God is leading me. I can do nothing apart from Him, but I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

By the way, I thank God every day for the three beautiful children He has given me on this earth and I cannot wait to meet the 6 other babies that I have lost over the past 10 years. I know they are with Jesus and I will one day see each of them in heaven.

I hope my story encourages you to believe God to do the impossible. I pray that you are blessed in Jesus name.

In His Love,

Sarah

Restoring the Temple...Getting Healthy!

 My Journey to a Healthy Lifestyle:

I haven't blogged in quite a while now...but I have been going through a transformation, inside and out.  For many years now, I have harbored resentful feelings toward myself and my body for having "let myself go".  As I look back on the past few years, I certainly do not see laziness.  I have been busy every second!  I see lack of time and care for myself.  I see my "temple" of the Holy Spirit, my body, being martyred for the sake of taking care of everyone else.  I would skip meals, not to lose weight, but because I forget to eat many times while taking care of a house, husband and three children.  In that time, I have also worked and pursued a Master's degree.  Everything but me, my health and my happiness had become a priority.  I am happy in the morning to wake up and take care of my family...don't get me wrong, I have a very amazing life...much better than I ever dreamed I would have.  There has always been this persistent problem of where I fit into the picture of my own life.  Is it ok to take time to nourish myself?  The obvious answer is "yes" but during the course of a busy life, it can be easy to deceive yourself into believing this time-out for yourself is just not an option.  I simply told myself that there are only so many hours in a day, and I am already not able to complete all the tasks on my to-do list every day -- where do I find time for healthy living?

I am sure I am not the only person who thinks this way.  Obesity in America is at an all-time high. In the past few years, I have gained a passion for food and cooking.  I enjoy making a wide variety of recipes and even creating my own.  However, I also live with a family who loves comfort food.  Who doesn't love comfort food, hence the name!  We comfort ourselves with food to deal with stress, loneliness, and pain.  We love a nice bowl of comforting ice cream before bed, or a deep dish lasagna full of gooey cheese.  I love these food as well, and could cook them now in my sleep!  But something inside of me has been crying out for more...a richer, healthier life, where I have more energy, sleep better, and look healthier.  I do not need to be a 102 lbs., as I was when I graduated high school...but I do NEED to be healthy.  At one of my last visits to the doctor, I was discussing the stress and fatigue in my life, and the doctor told me that it would be wonderful if I could lose 20 more lbs.  I was thinking, YEAH, wouldn't that be great....but HOW? 

Because I was always fit in my younger years and had a racing metabolism, I have never had to lose weight on purpose.  I am not a dieting person, and honestly, the process of dieting is complicated and overwhelming to me.  I need a system for living, a lifestyle change that can progress into more healthy living over time.  I need to change from the inside out, not just do a flash in the pan diet and lose 30 lbs, only to gain back 50.  I started praying over a year ago about my health issues.  I was having heart issues, lack of energy, pain in my joints...not to mention emotional effects from having to look in the mirror every morning and see the results of being pregnant so many times, and unhealthy eating.  Somehow, I had drifted from my youthful, healthy body and lifestyle to someone who has been asked numerous times in the past 2 years if I am "pregnant again." I can't even tell you how that feels.  I have graciously tried to lessen the humiliation of the people asking, while secretly dying inside at the thought of what they think!  I have hidden myself from cameras, worn oversized clothes, which only make me bigger-looking (and more pregnant), and ultimately tried to ignore myself for the past few years. 

A year ago, I became very dissatisfied with living this way.  I had been told by the doctors that I had dual heart conditions that would not allow me to exercise more than a power walk for the rest of my life, unless I received a pacemaker.  It was devastating news when you are 28 years old,  35-40 lbs. overweight and seem to have no hope of losing it.  Last year, I went to the Air Force Ball and had to squeeze into a size 12 dress.  That just about killed me, considering I spent most of my life between sizes 1 and 5.  When I saw the pictures from that night (although people told me I was beautiful), I felt anything but...

I began to maneuver through the vast world of diet, nutrition and exercise.  I felt so overwhelmed at where to start, how to lose weight, and how to change my lifestyle that I almost gave up before I even started.  I know now how it feels to be overweight.  I know how people look at you, what they say to you, and how you feel inside.  I have compassion and I have been comforted by the Lord in my trials that I helped to create.  The Bible says that we can comfort others with the comfort we have been given.  When I go into prayer and reading the Bible, I  see scriptures about how God sees me, and this is my comfort.  He looks at heart and not the outward appearance.  However, I still desire and pray for my outward appearance to change, and most of all, to feel healthy again...vibrant and energetic. 

I began to cry out to God and asked Him to heal my heart.  One day, while in prayer, I just knew in my heart that I would be healed completely.  We visited a new church shortly after, and a man spoke with faith into my life and told me that the Lord was going to heal my heart completely.  Within a month, I felt the Lord touch my body and at my next cardiologist visit, I received the news that my heart had "healed itself completely."  I had no more heart conditions AT ALL!  I am perfectly healthy according to the doctors.  I was also cleared to do any exercise I wanted!

Praise the LORD!!!  So, I began to gain hope again.  My search for the right nutrition and exercise lifestyle begun.  I started asking questions from friends about their nutritional/exercise choices and here I am today.  I am currently on DAY TWO of a Clean Eating plan (through www.emeals.com), taking Biotin supplements, joining the local gym where I will receive personal training, and Zumba classes. I am feeling very excited about my future.  Already to date since November 2009 (when my third child was born), I have lost 33 lbs.  I need to lose another 35 lbs. to be in the center of the target weight for my height.  I have decided that I am going to blog through my weight-loss, healthy lifestyle journey, and hopefully inspire others to believe that with God, all things are possible, and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  He has led me to these choices for diet/exercise, and I know He will prosper me in everything I put my hand to.

It's time to restore the temple of my body, where the Holy Spirit dwells.  God loves us and desires each and every one of us to be healthy and full of abundant life.  If you would like, you can follow me on my journey by reading this blog.


CURRENT STATS:

Age: 29
Height: 62"
Weight: 153 lbs.
Dress Size: 8-10
Pant Size: 8-10



God bless you all in Jesus name!


Sarah

Overcome Fear and Believe God!

This week has been the most challenging since the foundation of Esther's Call Prayer Ministry. The ministry has been reaching more people every day, both in the United States and around the world, including creating a new ministry connection with Helping Hands Ministries in Pakistan. It has been an amazing and very explosive ride over the past couple of weeks. In the past 2 weeks, there have been over 1150 pageviews of the website, and it has been both humbling and exhilarating to pray over brothers and sisters who love the Lord, but are facing situations in which there seems to be no hope. I have clung tightly to the Lord's words of promise that "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes" (Mark 9:23)" and "nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37)."

I have been challenged in my own life, as well as my personal prayer time, due to the heavy demand of prayer requests coming to the ministry. I find this to be a great blessing in that I am being pressed into God's presence even more, having to seek Him with all my heart. I am finding Him and He is comforting me when I feel overcome with fear of failure and rejection. My family is also facing personal struggles as well, while I pray over the needs of others, I must remember to keep my own family members in prayer.

This week, I have seen God move in the miraculous! I have also seen the enemy (the powers of darkness) launch a massive attack against my family and this ministry. This past week I was called the devil and told I operated in gifts empowered by demonic spirits. That reminded me of when the Pharisees told Jesus that He was casting out demons by the power of Beelzebub, the "lord of the flies (which represent demons)." But the Bible also says that when we share in the sufferings of Christ, we also share in His resurrection power (Philippians 3:10-11). He promises that no weapon formed against my family or ministry shall prosper and I will condemn every tongue that rises against me in judgment. It also says this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of God. (Isaiah 54:17).

We faced many challenges this week. Our two year old son refused to sleep one night when I was already exhausted, but God graciously granted me rest while he napped during the following day. We had a major setback financially when a rental car company (dealing with us for a car accident on Mar. 1, 2012) debited our account for the entire amount of the rental instead of billing the insurance as agreed. We spent an entire weekend with no money, gas, and unable to do grocery shopping. We ended up having one of the happiest and most blessed weekends for our family in several years! Our daughter has been having a battle with anxiety and depression since arriving in Oklahoma. She has had trouble making friends. She has also been struggling to believe she is successful at anything. This week, she received test scores from her school that said she is equivalent in two areas with a 10th grader. She is currently in the 3rd grade! She also added two new stripes to her tae kwon do belt! Most importantly, she made two new friends! Our middle son suddenly got an abcess on his leg this week that wouldn't seem to heal. Now, it is being healed. We also saw him rise up as a little prayer warrior, asking us all to pray for a family while their house burned down near our home. He didn't have to be told to pray, his heart was touched and he asked us to "agree" in prayer with him, showing that he understanding the power of the prayer of agreement. The baby has slept better than he has in months for the remainder of this week! It has been a great week of challenges and victories from the Lord!

As for me, my greatest struggle has been a sudden onset of a spirit of fear. It has come to cause me to stop ministering and be afraid to move forward. I began to feel overwhelmed and felt as though I almost could not minister in prayer. But the Word of God says that I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7). I had great struggles in the past with fear and God has given me great deliverance from it! When I came into a relationship with Jesus, I was told that I would become an evangelist. At that time, I was so terrified to even mention the name of Jesus that I could not imagine how THAT could ever happen. God has proved that He can overcome any obstacle.

I also remembered an important principle of prayer. God says that if we pray anything according to His will, we can expect to receive what we have asked for from the Lord (1 John 5:14). We can pray with confidence when our prayers line up with the Word of God. We WILL have what we ask for in prayer. That is the will of God in Jesus Christ.
Have a blessed week! I know our next week will be blessed as well because we are abiding in Christ.

Your sister in Christ,

Sarah

Doing A New Work

God is doing a new work in me.  For the past few years, I have felt the Lord speaking to my heart about how broken people are, and how alone they feel.  I have spent hours, days, months and years in prayer over others' issues in life, crying out to God for a divine intervention.  I have asked for the impossible to become possible, and miracles to happen.  I have seen God answer every time.

Lately, I started feeling as though it was all just not enough, the ministry God had given me needed to expand. I began to pray the prayer of Jabez in the Bible and ask God to bless me, increase my territory, keep His hand upon me so that I won't do evil and hurt anyone.  I began to ask God to show me what I was destined to do in this life. 

It is so funny how your calling can be staring you in the face and you can't even see it!  Here I am, praying day and night for people (sometimes until 3:00 or even 4:00 in the morning) and not realizing that it is truly my passion to pray for others.  I have heard people in the world say that you should try to make your passion a career because you will be more successful.  I believe God has called me to pray for others, having great faith to believe for hopeless situations to have hope, and the impossible to become possible. I have seen God answer daily and this has built up my faith even more!  I wanted to make my passion into my career.

Thus, a ministry was born.  Two days ago, my husband and I founded Esther's Call Prayer Ministry using a free website and a 99 cent IPhone I got from AT&T.  We don't have much extra money, but we have a lot of heart and I am already doing the work of this ministry every day.  We might as well make it official and really got on with it!  I am also putting a college degree in Communication to work, hoping that some churches and women's groups will ask me to teach/preach/pray at their events.  I believe God has already spoken to me that this will happen.  I just need to keep having faith.  This is my dream, my passion, and my calling rolled into one glorious ministry. 

My main goal is just to show people through prayer the love of God through Jesus Christ, and the power He has given us in the resurrection from the dead to overcome every obstacle, challenge, and circumstance in life.  I want to show others what I have already discovered, having been freed from addictions, healed from incurable diseases, and rescued from financial ruin.  God can overcome, and HE WILL OVERCOME!  He has already defeated Satan, death and hell on the cross, and He is wanting to help you.  Please visit our new website:

www.estherscallprayerministry.org

Leave a message in the Guest Book telling me what you think!  If you need prayer, please call 918-424-7161.  You can also text this number, or email me at Pray4Me@estherscallprayerministry.org.  You can find the ministry on Facebook by searching Esther's Call Prayer Ministry. 

I pray you all will check out the site, drop me a note, and call when you need prayer!

Be blessed!

Sarah